Monday, October 17, 2005 @ 7:52 PM :D
♥
Went to watch the wig, dumb movie somewhat.After that went to AMK by train and bought a mic, yay,finally. Went home, still lazy to plug it in, but when finally i decided to, and used it for a minute or two, that fucked up some of a bitch uncle of mine said"internet call now?!", then he called the phone company and asked how to cut the phone line etc. The damn skype thing is for free wtf, no point arguing with that fat bastard, his pride is 1000000times bigger than his balls. Mother fucker ass hole, i will make sure i detach his testicles with an ice cream scoup and catapult it into the sky.
With him pissing me even more, i am soon going to sleep on the streets. That dam jibai, i never gave a shit about him.
But if i were to leave house like that, the first i will take, our neoprint....my wallet, my handphone, things to keep me warm, i think i can forget the house keys....i guess that's about it.
anyway...
ENOUGH!I dont want to stain my site on that guy.
On to my thoughts now, what you said the other day is still haunting me.Yeah, you called me a wimp. Maybe i am, maybe i am half a wimp, maybe i'm not a wimp. The word obviously doesnt seem very pleasing to the ear. Being called a wimp, i really feel self disappointment, that i am not good enough, not matured enough for you. I am not trying to imply anything by this by the way.If i am not good enough, i will strive to be better.But it is natural to currently feel low by this.
But what i wanna say is, that day, I wasn't afraid of the failures that might occur.But, I was afraid of losing you. Isn't it natural to always have a fear of losing someone u love? There's always the future when we can share and cherish together. But there's also the present. We never know what the future might hold. One of us might meet in a fatality, never to see the sunrise again. I just wished i could cherish everytime that i have with you.It does not have to be all the time, but i...perhaps i am just selfish, demanding...but anyway, this explains my behavior on that particular day, i hope this helps you understand more on how i felt. To why i am selfish, i guess i just wanted to cherish all my time with you, but we cannot...actually,by saying this, i don't even know what word should i use, even the word"selfish" doesn't sound entirely right.
Ahh...who cares about vocabulary, we're out of the web of english exams that once so called, forced us to have a decent vocabulary, but relating things to words, i guess i suck at it.
I shall continue to do some soul searching, and to find my weak points and correct them.I still do not know if you think i am a wimp, but no guy would want to be thought of as a wimp. It's ok, if you still think i am one, i will work my way till you think otherwise.I will make you proud to have me.
But, I dont think fate will mess with us that much. It has tortured us a little bit so far, i doubt it will take you or me away from each other between life and death. Remember our little promise?Which you will await for that one day when i ......................... on you.If you be some chance have no idea what i am talking about, I am talking about the thingamajig in my wallet...
Lastly, I am so sorry I tend to get you worried...But things at home is starting to get out of hand.
Angered, lowered esteem, self disappointment,
-Daniel-
