It was harsh yet aggressive. It was tough yet slashing. But it's no further from the truth. If you think of only the bad and never the little good stuff that I do, then you'd only see that all I have done is bad and treated you like dirt. I never once said friends were more important, yet yours was blatantly outspoken. I may have given the impression but that was just a coward in me in the past to allow others to know that I was the disgrace to have left the holy sanctuary. I was a bastard to make you feel like the disgrace indirectly, but it was something that I never meant for. I wonder why do I seem to make so many mistakes in life choices, perhaps the streetsmartness in me is inexistent all along, just bullshit.

I was just the coward all along. Shoot me.

As I make my way around the routes I choose to go, I only find myself hoping to see you. Yet again, I fear seeing you for who knows there may be someone else standing beside you. I fear going near places where you might be, all just for this reason.

When I switched on this device, I saw a picture with someone's face..an important someone. The next thing I knew, sorrow was filling me up from the bottom to the brim, making me shed a tear. I don't know if it was due to missing her or cause of the disrespect and hurt she has put me through.

I feel silly. Really silly. I stressed myself out so much in the past to help her with whatever cash problems and now I wonder if it was worth it.

3 weeks to a month in advance, I told her of a special day where me and her would go double date with my close friend's date. Since that day, I had been training at the camp's gym, going through pains on my injuries as well as extreme breathless moments in my life. Quite a few times to the point of almost fainting. All in all, is to make sure that I have a much more appealing body and appearance to make her feel happy to have me, making others envious of her.

Being rejected to the outing almost at last minute, I began to think whether she has really tried her best to be there for this special day. I found her going friend's birthday's till really late like 1130pm. Going volleyball training 3 times on the week of the outing itself and telling me she doesn't have the time. I know in my heart that it has been bullshit. It was all simply her deciding which events would be more important to her and that's why she said that she can't go out late even if she went for the outing, yet she could stay and reach home at 11plus for her friend's birthday party.

You'd say what the fuck would go this kinda place during non holiday period. Well, all I can say it's something call a "Family Day". I want you so much and need you so well that I have already more or less decided we'd be a family some day, that's why the family day.

If you go to a volleyball training 3 times a week in sequential days, OF COURSE YOU' D BE FUCKING TIRED.

I don't think my course to be smart and it being tough, but at least I managed it in a way to be able to have time for stuff.

There isn't a little bit of respect shed for me to be honest, as I have given you such a long before hand notice and you still not mananging stuff in a way that you'd have time for at least this one day. I have not even talked about sms-ing, which could be non-existent for the whole day. It seriously does not take more than 20
seconds to reply at least something.

If you can't manage your time, don't take up so many stuffs.

I think we really need a break for a few months. This thing will NOT work out at all, not cause of how much time you have for me, but how you manage it all in all.

I never needed you, but I loved you so much that now I need you. For now, all I can say is that you are losing me, not cause I intend to be finding someone new or even looking at them, but because of the way I feel I am treated. I am dirt, once again, just like that time before your o' levels when you said you wanted to have your own time with your friends. I am not your plaything, please do not neglect me.

I really feel like shit, cause you made me feel so. You feel like shit, cause you made yourself feel so. And perhaps the family thingy, was all naive and crap. In fact, the advertisement is even on your blog.

I know I miss you, but I don't know if you feel the same.

*Daniel Webster*

To advance further musically,vocally
To be able to touch people's hearts through music
A good acoustic guitar
A good lead guitar and amp
Be someone of invisibly huge stature
To be as rich as possible
The means to be able to do whatever I want ;)
To be a person who imparts skills and wisdom to others
To be a giver to the needy

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