I see what I want in the future, relatively clearly, getting clearer. If i stumble on the way and lose sight, someone, slap me awake.

Everyone is born beautiful, with the fact that you were the result of an amazing union, and that everyone is made of the same composition. The things that truely differ us, are just will,spirit,love and hate and wisdom.

But will you allow the things that differ us to make you an ugly person, even though the word beautiful is still your middle name? It is these things that truely make who you are. Fight for what you truely want, have spirit in what you do, love the right things as well as try to do away with hate. Also, always seek out wisdom from those who have acquired it before you.

Seeing the real beauty of others, always comes from the eyes of the beholder. It is truely the viewer's perception on whether he or she can see beyond what most people can't.

If you're a viewer/critic, choose to see beyond, deep into the people. Look at their positives before looking at their negatives. Find positives about their negatives. This way you'll learn to love people better. And what goes around probably comes around=)

If you're a person being judged, know that no matter what, you are you and that you are beautiful no matter what people think of you. Notice I used the word "think"? That's cause people don't know you, yet, or probably will never know you. How could people know you inside out, when most of the time, almost none of us actually knows what exactly we are inside ourselves?

And if you think you're overweight, and you mind it, then work on it! Your weight is probably an indicator of whether you're lazy, or just someone who loves to indulge. If you're unhappy about something, then do something about it. No one else can, but you. If you're happy about being overweight or in this case, big, then why care what others say to begin with? Your acne is probably due to poor diet habits and sleep. Almost everything is linked to behavior.

But this does not apply for those who have serious medical condition. If it's truely unavoidable, then no matter what, just be happy with yourself, and improve yourself in other ways, many other ways. Read up stuffs so you can help others with problems, get exposure to many things, live how you wanna live.

And if you think you're good looking, this might be a good indicator that you should get out and start learning to improve yourself in other areas. Having something to feel good about yourself might make you neglect every other aspect of life that actually matter. Learn that everything when you learn stuffs, instead of knowing more, you should realise that the more you learn, you realise the less you know.

Always have the drive to learn! And there's no better teacher than the streets, yourself and mistakes.

I think I've slept for way too long, too much of my life. It's time to wake up and do things that will allow me to feel that I have accomplished things. Thinking back on all the times that has passed, it feels almost as though time has gone down the drain. It's like thinking of collecting back the time lost but it can never be retrieved. I have to do what I want to, focus on them and at least try my best to make best use of my time. Now is the time.

Whatever disappointments that comes in life, whatever respect that you lose, never lose that self respect for yourself that may hinder you for the rest of your life. This is what my aunt said.

For me, it is more important to prepare yourself in a way that no matter what, you will know how to find back that self respect and recover from it much stronger, for we have to always expect what we don't want to happen most, to happen. Only then we can safely say, that we're ready for the catastrophe.

Life's about how you live it, not about how you want it. Live it the way you want, and you've made it how you want it. Select wisely what you want for life, make a decision, and go with it. Never look back, for you'll only trip. Fight, press on.

It's sad that some people actually act chivalrous and claim that people need to grow up when they wanted to keep others in the dark. Well, you wanted to keep it all to yourself, then it's still your choice. You thought you did me good, but in fact, Yes, you did, I found out the hard way finally, and I never regretted my decision to pry you at long last. I may have lost it, I admit I am in the wrong and went mad for flaring up, but I am definitely able to take this sort of mental beating. And I am glad to finally see who you really are.

What kinda girl will continually receive stuffs, letters and ,messages on facebook ,and actually fail to clear the misunderstanding with the minimum " I have moved on, please don't contact me anymore". In fact, "don't contact me anymore" is childish enough. I believe at the very least we should be friends. It's either you can't face me, and/or you just wanted to avoid the problem altogether, perhaps too scared I'd flare up too much. Or perhaps you selfishly wanted to move on without me. Or you were so angry with me still that you didn't even want to bother. But I do wish to say, don't do something like this in future. It looks bad on you, not me.

In any case, I was in the wrong. It's time to learn from it. Everything was rushed right from the beginning. I chose the wrong person, and I knew it, ever since the day she wanted to leave me the days I entered army. I still have to thank you for that trauma which honestly made me a stronger person. And well, things didn't click, we quarrelled, I didn't relent enough, perhaps many times I didn't understand enough. Perhaps I was too possessive, and you never had your own time for your friends. I was insecure, partly cause of how you nearly wanted to dump me on oct 2008. However, I have to weigh what she has done as well. I was unappreciated for many little things I did, often misunderstood, even over small things like saying food tastes weird. Besides, since things didn't work out, we sorta forced it. Misunderstandings grew, and more and more, she feared somehow to ever confront me, bottling up emotions. Avoiding problems, never getting things solved, holding so much grudges and never tried to find a truce or an even ground. Problems piling up, with the added treatment I was said to have treated you like a "dog", that you have to follow everything I say. I did wish at times you'd speak up much more anyways.

But I'd like to say that if you were to ever succeed in any relationship, you'd best learn to speak up and stop the "I don't know" thing. The relationship isn't cause of the relationship, it's cause of the people involved.. and..I believe we stuck to each other too much...but I enjoyed your company a lot no matter what.

In any case, it's not about pointing finger anymore. Even pointing the finger will lead it to pointing at thin air. Both parties are gone, and I'd pretty much guess that both are rather happy about it as well. The only thing that should be done now is for myself to learn whatever valueable lesson I can from this. It'll definitely better prepare me for the future, and know what to look for in someone I'd wanna love. I also got to learn to be much more sensitive, and I truly admit that I am not sensitive.

I believe we were both blind. I hope this past relationship will open your eyes to choosing who you really want as well, if not, perhaps the next one or asap. I learnt that in a relationship, spontaneous wanting to stay together and flaunt your partner not for the looks is of utmost importance. There is truely a ring of truth to the saying, that communication and trust are the standing pillars to a relationship. But deeper than that, there'll always be a need to understand each other first, and dating each other to the point where the two actually really decide that the person in front of them, is truely who they want. You'll never know if the person you like now will someone you truely want to be with forever in such a short time. If you truely love someone, hold back and watch them more, then decide. That way, you're really loving them, cause you'd never want to get too into with them and then hurting them.

Holding off and taking your time to choose. There are so many out there, why pick one so near and available so easily? It's probably the worst choice available. Choosing on impulse and emotions such as needing comfort or even companionship from someone, especially in your most dire times of needs, are most likely going to get you the worst kind of partners. Simply cause the feelings of affection isn't love to begin with. In your times of calm, when you need no love, need to give no love, and you truely find someone you like and want to just love the person for who she is, that's when you should get to know the person even more, and even more, hold back the thought of a relationship first.

Wanting to find true love is going to take much more than putting effort into relationships. More than that, it's gonna take effort in finding the right person. This lesson is invaluable, to myself and my business sense.

To that someone, thank you for a wonderful past relationship. No matter how bad it was, at least we had a time when it was a pure happy relationship. Still, I have to say, I don't deserve your respect as much as you don't deserve mine. But I still wish you all the best. I wish you to become one of the best interior designers, and have a wonderful happy life filled with love and friends. And I'd like to take this chance to give one last apology, for whatever hurt, and whatever things I have said in the past, and everything I have wronged you or done wrong to you, or cursed you in a bad way. I'm sorry.

P.S. I thank you for the offer, but really, I don't need the mirror as described. And whether or not you read this post, I don't really care. There's only one thing I know I have for you, and that's "I'm Sorry".

Labels: Reflections and thoughts of the sweet 1 years and 7 months

It's great to have seen the truth from a pair of unseasoned eyes. It's takes quite a lot to keep the faith, but then what can you expect from someone who's young and falls in love with you within one month?

That's never love, they are just girls who need guy's comfort, and they themselves will never find love. I have decided that things takes time, no matter what. Finding true love is something that will take effort and dedication, and it'll definitely not come from girls who are relatively desperate for guy attention. They're just pathetic.

Whatever makes the world go round, it sure is making retribution do the same. The root to all problems, everything in life, was never decided by fate, luck, parents etc etc. Everything boils back down to the people involved.

Thus self improvement will be the main focus now, as well as aiming high for the desired desires. Nothing else in this world is more important that learning from mistakes. It definitely beats bitching about something after it's gone. And if you've fought on hard to make things work, in what way have you not cherished what was there?

I despise people who think they know what they're saying, especially if they have never gone through anything or even worse, giving advice out of "compassion" when they really do not know anything at all. It doesn't matter if many people says the same opinion. Cause there are times when the whole world is wrong. But it's a pity, not many people in the world, actually think about the source of people's words in their mouth before they actually put it to action. And that is where influence comes in. Fight influence, and you have won. Be yourself, decide for yourself, and not from what others say.

You have to live your own life, not let life live you. Indecisiveness can kill you, cause it can stall you for a whole lifetime without you knowing. Fighting for what you want after you are able to make a pure decision, is the only way you'd ever really achieve something. Apparently, it'll take a lot of maturity and tact to actually materialise this into your very being. What's worth fighting for today, has to be worth fighting for tomorrow. That's how you decide what's worth it.

Shit happens, but being prepared will always let you have the flush lever at your very fingertips. Shit comes, being prepared allows you to pull back, and you'll find yourself new and fresh again.

Preparation, is the best way to fight risk. What can risk be compared to preparation? Would you even feel the risk if you're prepared?

Labels: for a lifetime, Prepare now

How often do you start thinking after many years, about the ones you loved who are no longer around? They are now just somewhere distant, their existence in our very own deepest of memories, and no where else. Have we chosen to forget them without knowing, and occasionally we remember them from the back of our memories?

This cycle of life happens all the time, getting chopped and terminated at any point in time. It just happens. And sooner or later we become the mainstream of people running the world, our lives and need to impart what we know to the youngsters.

With every single being on earth living every second at any moment, let's respect that they're here and we all have something to gain in each other's company, at the very least, their companionship or their presence. Let's make it our duty, that whatever that is to be honoured about that person, to be imparted to others so that you will forever carry a legacy in some form, for the person who was once here.

We should be more sensitive to all around us for what they say today, might just be a memory tomorrow. But at least it's a memory, and it lives in you. Don't let it die. It's the only final resting place it has got, don't remove it.

Love is what makes the world go round, but what makes memories go round, is you, myself, and everyone. It's always tough to face whatever we've lost, but remembering it and then facing it, is the only way we're gonna recover what we've lost in ourselves. And that is, healing the holes that's left in the heart, rather than leaving the holes to pile up and eventually letting your heart break.

I pay tribute, Great Grandma, Grandpa, Grandma, Ms Ho, and so many more who are not around anymore. Perhaps rest in peace has been overly said. But in anycase, live eternally, in happiness. That's the best we can ever wish for anyone, living or dead.

Labels: and only you, The past lives in you

It's a new chapter in life. It's gonna be hard believing in true love, but I am sure it'll happen one day.

Never felt more like a fool in my life, for someone who never told me when she already got someone new. It's tough to accept, but the pain in my heart is almost addictive to this point, cause it was always there.

There's no better chance to better myself, and the time is now.

And...CHEERS! Ng Si Ying is officially my mei!!

=D 8D

Labels: New beginnings to Everything

I don't know if what you've been writing on your blog has been about me, but I really have to say this. It's not that I ain't making a move. I just cant find a way to.

Things have become so unapproachable. The msn is still blocked. no contact whatsoever.. I don't even know if you're talking about me.. I am not asking you to literally tell me what you want, but I at least hope you'd at least give me a signal that it's me you're taking about and you want me to be there for you. I don't even know what to do. at least show some signs, more obvious ones, if not I will never ever know what's going on.

I really can't be there for you if you don't let me.

If it has nothing to do with me, take that this post is invisible.

*Daniel Webster*

To advance further musically,vocally
To be able to touch people's hearts through music
A good acoustic guitar
A good lead guitar and amp
Be someone of invisibly huge stature
To be as rich as possible
The means to be able to do whatever I want ;)
To be a person who imparts skills and wisdom to others
To be a giver to the needy

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