Wednesday, August 19, 2009 @ 6:43 PM :D
♥
It's sad that some people actually act chivalrous and claim that people need to grow up when they wanted to keep others in the dark. Well, you wanted to keep it all to yourself, then it's still your choice. You thought you did me good, but in fact, Yes, you did, I found out the hard way finally, and I never regretted my decision to pry you at long last. I may have lost it, I admit I am in the wrong and went mad for flaring up, but I am definitely able to take this sort of mental beating. And I am glad to finally see who you really are.
What kinda girl will continually receive stuffs, letters and ,messages on facebook ,and actually fail to clear the misunderstanding with the minimum " I have moved on, please don't contact me anymore". In fact, "don't contact me anymore" is childish enough. I believe at the very least we should be friends. It's either you can't face me, and/or you just wanted to avoid the problem altogether, perhaps too scared I'd flare up too much. Or perhaps you selfishly wanted to move on without me. Or you were so angry with me still that you didn't even want to bother. But I do wish to say, don't do something like this in future. It looks bad on you, not me.
In any case, I was in the wrong. It's time to learn from it. Everything was rushed right from the beginning. I chose the wrong person, and I knew it, ever since the day she wanted to leave me the days I entered army. I still have to thank you for that trauma which honestly made me a stronger person. And well, things didn't click, we quarrelled, I didn't relent enough, perhaps many times I didn't understand enough. Perhaps I was too possessive, and you never had your own time for your friends. I was insecure, partly cause of how you nearly wanted to dump me on oct 2008. However, I have to weigh what she has done as well. I was unappreciated for many little things I did, often misunderstood, even over small things like saying food tastes weird. Besides, since things didn't work out, we sorta forced it. Misunderstandings grew, and more and more, she feared somehow to ever confront me, bottling up emotions. Avoiding problems, never getting things solved, holding so much grudges and never tried to find a truce or an even ground. Problems piling up, with the added treatment I was said to have treated you like a "dog", that you have to follow everything I say. I did wish at times you'd speak up much more anyways.
But I'd like to say that if you were to ever succeed in any relationship, you'd best learn to speak up and stop the "I don't know" thing. The relationship isn't cause of the relationship, it's cause of the people involved.. and..I believe we stuck to each other too much...but I enjoyed your company a lot no matter what.
In any case, it's not about pointing finger anymore. Even pointing the finger will lead it to pointing at thin air. Both parties are gone, and I'd pretty much guess that both are rather happy about it as well. The only thing that should be done now is for myself to learn whatever valueable lesson I can from this. It'll definitely better prepare me for the future, and know what to look for in someone I'd wanna love. I also got to learn to be much more sensitive, and I truly admit that I am not sensitive.
I believe we were both blind. I hope this past relationship will open your eyes to choosing who you really want as well, if not, perhaps the next one or asap. I learnt that in a relationship, spontaneous wanting to stay together and flaunt your partner not for the looks is of utmost importance. There is truely a ring of truth to the saying, that communication and trust are the standing pillars to a relationship. But deeper than that, there'll always be a need to understand each other first, and dating each other to the point where the two actually really decide that the person in front of them, is truely who they want. You'll never know if the person you like now will someone you truely want to be with forever in such a short time. If you truely love someone, hold back and watch them more, then decide. That way, you're really loving them, cause you'd never want to get too into with them and then hurting them.
Holding off and taking your time to choose. There are so many out there, why pick one so near and available so easily? It's probably the worst choice available. Choosing on impulse and emotions such as needing comfort or even companionship from someone, especially in your most dire times of needs, are most likely going to get you the worst kind of partners. Simply cause the feelings of affection isn't love to begin with. In your times of calm, when you need no love, need to give no love, and you truely find someone you like and want to just love the person for who she is, that's when you should get to know the person even more, and even more, hold back the thought of a relationship first.
Wanting to find true love is going to take much more than putting effort into relationships. More than that, it's gonna take effort in finding the right person. This lesson is invaluable, to myself and my business sense.
To that someone, thank you for a wonderful past relationship. No matter how bad it was, at least we had a time when it was a pure happy relationship. Still, I have to say, I don't deserve your respect as much as you don't deserve mine. But I still wish you all the best. I wish you to become one of the best interior designers, and have a wonderful happy life filled with love and friends. And I'd like to take this chance to give one last apology, for whatever hurt, and whatever things I have said in the past, and everything I have wronged you or done wrong to you, or cursed you in a bad way. I'm sorry.
P.S. I thank you for the offer, but really, I don't need the mirror as described. And whether or not you read this post, I don't really care. There's only one thing I know I have for you, and that's "I'm Sorry".
Labels: Reflections and thoughts of the sweet 1 years and 7 months
